Just finished these pencils. Speed has always been an issue for me, and I just finished these in about 5.5 hours (down from an average of 8 to 10 hours or more). I'm pretty happy with them too. What do you think?
My only issue is P1...no one sleeps like that, ramrod-straight and flat on their back with both arms straight out to their sides, unless they're in a coma. It looks unnatural. I almost expected panel 2 to have a nurse checking him for bedsores.
A quick fix would be having the FG left arm dangling off the bed, or tucked under his head. Even just tilt the head slightly, if nothing else.
In panel six, I'd maybe pan out a little more to show his left hand holding the cigarette. As much as Hollywood would like to convince you otherwise, 99% of smokers don't chuff a whole stogie down tucked into the edge of their lips. We take it away from our mouths between drags, because the smoke is annoying to our eyes as it is to a non-smoker's.
Even in Panel 7 where he looks surprised at what he's seeing, a more realistic portrayal would be with his fist at his cheek or chin, with the cigarette between his first and second fingers, rather than in his mouth.
Great feedback, man. He's actually awake in the first panel. I've already inked this, but I'll have to go back and fix the eye to make it more clear that he is awake.
As to the rest of it... I thought you quit smoking?!
You're right, it does. You caught me in what I consider to be writing 'cheat', which is when a writer includes himself in a group in order to make himself seem more of an authority in regards to group's inner workings.
However, I did smoke for a mighty long time. :D I think I can scrounge up a fag to show you what I was talking about for P7, for future reference if nothing else.
That's okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. I just didn't think of it when I drew the page. Panel 5 is going away any how. There were edits.
6 comments:
My only issue is P1...no one sleeps like that, ramrod-straight and flat on their back with both arms straight out to their sides, unless they're in a coma. It looks unnatural. I almost expected panel 2 to have a nurse checking him for bedsores.
A quick fix would be having the FG left arm dangling off the bed, or tucked under his head. Even just tilt the head slightly, if nothing else.
In panel six, I'd maybe pan out a little more to show his left hand holding the cigarette. As much as Hollywood would like to convince you otherwise, 99% of smokers don't chuff a whole stogie down tucked into the edge of their lips. We take it away from our mouths between drags, because the smoke is annoying to our eyes as it is to a non-smoker's.
Even in Panel 7 where he looks surprised at what he's seeing, a more realistic portrayal would be with his fist at his cheek or chin, with the cigarette between his first and second fingers, rather than in his mouth.
Great feedback, man. He's actually awake in the first panel. I've already inked this, but I'll have to go back and fix the eye to make it more clear that he is awake.
As to the rest of it... I thought you quit smoking?!
As to the rest of it... I thought you quit smoking?!
If you do something for 20 years, you aren't going to forget the mannerisms of the habit overnight.
I didn't say you were wrong. I'm actually kicking myself for not thinking more about what he's doing with his hands.
What I was referring to is your use of personal pronouns while describing what smokers do, which seems to imply current membership to that group.
You're right, it does. You caught me in what I consider to be writing 'cheat', which is when a writer includes himself in a group in order to make himself seem more of an authority in regards to group's inner workings.
However, I did smoke for a mighty long time. :D I think I can scrounge up a fag to show you what I was talking about for P7, for future reference if nothing else.
That's okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. I just didn't think of it when I drew the page. Panel 5 is going away any how. There were edits.
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